Wednesday, 30 September 2015

Last day...?

Last days on contracts are usually quite good - because you, and everyone else, know it is the last day you don't really do any work, (or bother pretending you are) you spend most of your time talking about your next plan, you make sure your time sheet is signed and possibly buy doughnuts for everyone, and generally speaking people often slope off a couple of hours early because their presence is more of a distraction than anything else. Sometimes there's a lunch and beer trip to the nearest pub thrown in too. It's a bit different when you're still waiting to find out if in fact it is your last day. The time sheet still needs signing obviously, and the handing back your laptop and security pass still goes ahead but, at least if you're me, there are no doughnuts, pubs, or early departures. Yet there is still no motivation to work, while there is a need to be less obvious about it. I actually raised a bug today, so I kind of did something, though I also rejected a meeting request on the grounds that it was currently irrelevant to me.
Apart from all that it was a fairly normal day. I slept poorly again, probably because this is an unsettling position to be in, and wished I could stay home, but couldn't because of the almighty time sheet. And the wish to not look like I was nicking an elderly brick of a laptop.
At lunchtime I went for a walk with my usual buddy and our sometimes companion colleague, who generally moans a lot but seemed more cheerful today, possibly because I was leaving (although we get on ok I think he has the normal permies' suspicion  / distrust of contractors). It was a nice walk, lovely sunshine with a slightly cool breeze again. I was a bit chilly to start with then warmed up as my muscles warmed, which is how I like it.
I did overeat today. It was more stress related than hunger, I stuck to the carnivorous plan during the day but added unnecessary bacon to a perfectly adequate lunch (of course some people argue that bacon is never unnecessary). At lunchtime I was already considering having a whisky this evening to relax myself a bit and I have to admit that I did. Quite a bit. The first in over a month, and I'm now back on the wagon. Especially because it led to me eating a small quality of peanut butter, which doesn't fit into my intended way of eating. Too damn sweet  - urk!

Food today:
Breakfast

Tuesday, 29 September 2015

Arrrrrgh


Well, last night went better. Apart from waking up around 1 am (when I fell asleep again in under an hour) I slept much better and felt almost human again this morning. Phew! That was not pleasant yesterday, not at all.
Speaking of not pleasant I had a slight shock today at work. As you know I'm still waiting for confirmation that my contract is being renewed; I thought I had until Friday to get it sorted out. Not so - my contract expires tomorrow. Tomorrow! Arrgghh! And the extension has not yet been signed off.This is definitely my least favourite bit of being a contractor.
On the plus side I might be taking a really long walk on Thursday if I'm not working.
That's not much of a plus side mind you.
Today's lunchtime walk was good - sunny, quite warm but with a cool breeze. I would be so happy to have that kind of weather all the time!


Food today:
Breakfast: small slow cooked casserole steak
Lunch: small slow cooked casserole steak
Dinner: lamb burgers
Snacks: pork scratchings

Monday, 28 September 2015

Zzzzzzzzzz

So tired...
Thursday night / Friday morning I woke up around 2:30 am and never got back to sleep. Friday night I did a bit better, but Saturday night I only got about 4 hrs sleep. Last night I slept for longer but only because I took a nytol, and I had weird surreal dreams before waking up really groggy. Thank God for caffeine!
My Dad and his wife visited us on Saturday just for one night and it was lovely to see them. We didn't do anything exciting, just talked A LOT and got a takeaway in the evening. I stuck to my only eating meat and not drinking alcohol though - and given that we had visitors AND I wasn't in control of the food I'm pretty pleased about that :-)
Yesterday I was so knackered I literally didn't leave the house - and took a nap early afternoon (actually it took me - I was lying on the bed reading, not planning to nap, and just fell asleep with my glasses on and everything.)  I did feel I wasted a nice sunny day by staying in, but genuinely had no desire to go out, so what the hell. I do wish that I could schedule sleeping badly for wet weather though.
I was unbelievably tempted to stay home instead of going to the office today (working from home of course, not just sleeping) but decided that I should try to go in this week as it's currently, so far as I know, my last week here and therefore my opportunities to walk with my walking buddy are numbered. I'm probably glad I made that decision as I had to stay awake all day as a result. Did I mention Thank God for caffeine? In the early morning the office was hot and stuffy and I struggled mightily to stay awake. Later the air con kicked in and it was quite chilly, which helped a bit. Then I went for a walk and the fresh air / activity absolutely knocked me sideways - I was so exhausted. I'm really really glad that the day is over now and I neither humiliated myself by nodding off nor killed myself driving off the road while asleep. If I don't sleep better tonight I'm staying home tomorrow regardless....
Please note that I really wanted to buy some cream at lunchtime for a fat + a little carb fix and I didn't; then I spent the entire afternoon - literally - wishing I had. However, I wasn't wishing for sugar or chocolate, which is encouraging. At one point I was so tired I actually felt slightly ill - though some bouillon did sort of settle my head and stomach a bit.
I felt properly better within an hour or so of getting home thankfully. But I'm still knackered and will be having an early night tonight zzzzzzzzzz

Food today:
Breakfast: scrambled eggs with a little 5 spice pork mince (I added extra 5 spice and a tiny sprinkle of tamari and the mince tasted much better)
Lunch: meatloaf
Dinner: beef heart sautéed with homemade fajita seasoning
Snacks: cheese

Thursday, 24 September 2015

Still in the waiting time

Another horribly wet start to the day today.  Because I had my physio appointment this morning I worked from home (still no news on extension or no extension, in case you hadn't guessed) so at least I didn't have to drive in through dark and rain. Instead I took a relaxing bath in place of my usual utilitarian shower.
The physiotherapist gave me some suggestions for stretches and exercises that should strengthen my back. Unfortunately that means I have to actually do them - I find stretching deathly boring and as a result I forget to do it at every opportunity. Genuinely forget, I guess that's what they mean by selective memory. I also asked him if I could safely try yoga and got the go ahead so long as I don't push any positions that cause discomfort and let the instructor know I have a back problem - but he suggested waiting till I've done his exercises for a while first. Given how painful it is now after the bending and stretching of the evaluation part of the appointment PLUS starting to do the actual stretches I see his point. I've been considering starting to do a class on Sunday mornings when the weather is bad - which will of course happen more often now we're into autumn, and even more so through the winter. Or I might look out for something online specific to strengthening the back so I can do it whenever it fits in rather than being limited by class availability. I'll have to have a think. And I have time to plan the best way to incorporate it.

I've had definite cravings for cream today. Luckily I have none in the house and I couldn't go out when they were strongest because I took advantage of working from home today to allow my letting agents to organise a gas & electric safety check today as well. While waiting in for him I cooked and ate some bacon instead, and the cravings departed unsatisfied :-D OK, not eating might have been a better plan, but the key thing was not feeding the habit by giving in to the cravings. I also felt like having a drink tonight. I had absolutely literally one sip of wine to see if I liked it and didn't - but also didn't head off in search of the whisky I have hidden away being out of sight and hopefully mind.

Food today:
Breakfast: pork chop
Lunch: meatloaf and bacon
Dinner: meatloaf
Snacks: bacon, cheese

Wednesday, 23 September 2015

Insert title here if you can think of one

As I may already have mentioned it was clear, dry, cool and sunny this morning - just the kind of autumn weather I like. Unfortunately it had clouded over quite a bit by the time I went for my walk at lunchtime, but had also warmed up a bit so it was still nice.
Apart from that it was just an average day. My boss told me again that he wants to keep me around until Christmas but HR are dragging their feet on the paperwork, so he can't make me any promises. I now have just 7 days left on my current contract and I'm finding nothing to apply for so God knows how long it will take to find another contract if this falls through. Definitely the biggest downside with the contracting life...
I'm still feeling quite good on the new good plan but struggling with figuring out how much to eat. Most people doing the carnivorous thing focus on beef, and say they find that more satisfying than other meats but I'm not ready to eat literally the same thing all the time, although I admit my menu's are not what you could call varied at the moment. I do like beef and lamb a lot though... And eggs. And cheese. But I've identified trigger foods that I need to avoid even with the more restrictive foods I've been eating, namely my homemade pork rinds and (double) cream. Someone smack my hand if I mention either of these tomorrow please :-)

Food today:
Breakfast: pork chop
Lunch: slow cooked lamb neck fillet
Dinner: Pork chop
Snacks: Pork rinds, cheese, cream, bacon

Sunshine!

Sunshine!!
Sunshine!!!
However brief it may be, it's so good to see it!

Tuesday, 22 September 2015

Stupid weather....

I was woken up by the rain this morning - it was hammering down, torrential, and sounded like it was coming in through the roof and windows (luckily it wasn't). Also luckily it couldn't keep it up long despite the forecast showing heavy rain non stop till mid afternoon; it was fairly light by the time I left for work and most of the morning looked to be better than the forecast.
Today was the day of the charity bake sale. I have to admit that I just stayed out of the room altogether. I considered going in to make a donation then binning the cake, but that seems wasteful, disrespectful of the effort made by the bakers, and also unnecessarily exposing myself to temptation that might have led to eating the cake instead of binning it.
I'm not sure if all that reads like rationalisation of uncharitable behaviour but I'm still going to do what I have to do.
I would had to walk alone at lunchtime again today because my walking buddy was working from home. However I was stuck in a meeting from 12-1 and in the meantime the rain came back with a vengeance and I chose not to suffer the annoyance of wet jeans all afternoon. It's due to be better tomorrow and that will have to do... The sun came out as I left work (seemed highly appropriate) but disappeared again before I made it home. Stupid weather.

Food today:
Breakfast: eggs and bacon
Lunch: cold beef and babybel cheese
Dinner: slow cooked lamb neck fillet
Snacks: Pork rinds and no cake!

Monday, 21 September 2015

Meh

I need a duvet day!  In case you were wondering, yes, it is possible for me to still be complaining - I seem to have a never ending supply of grumpiness just now / all the time possibly...
In my defence, the weather is so horribly dreary and the mornings so horribly dark and depressing... Is it really any wonder I wish I'd stayed in bed?
My back is much better today after being so painful yesterday that I had to stop and deep breathe half way through getting into my car at one point. I guess my muscles were in shock from unexpected hoovering rather than actually in spasm.
This did not stop me swearing vigorously while dragging myself out of bed this morning and feeling outraged self-pity when I went to leave the house and saw how dark it was. I was in a mood all morning, and although I did go for a walk at lunchtime I couldn't face company or conversation, choosing to head off alone to the farm shop instead of joining my walking buddy heading to the supermarket. At least I still went out, I suppose. And mostly stayed dry - apart from a light drizzling on the way back to the office.
After work I cheered up - literally as soon as I walked through the front door I felt like a new woman. Which just proves what I've repeatedly said before - I need to retire. ASAP.

Food today:
Breakfast: smoked sausage omelette
Lunch: cold beef
Dinner: beef heart
Snacks: Pork rinds, cheese, smoked sausage

Sunday, 20 September 2015

Sunday

Sunday = housework day this week.
This is not a large house, so it doesn't take long, but it's not very satisfying to clean because it's a tatty enough rental (the carpets in particular are rubbish) that you can only get it so good, however hard you work at it.
Despite it being small, hoovering has still managed to bugger my back again - I must hoover in the weirdest way to achieve so much pain. I assume I stay bent over enough to make sure I'm going up to /under the edges of the furniture for long enough to make everything seize up. Marvellous excuse to never do any housework - up to the point the letting agent requests an inspection visit (which is happening on Wednesday) or someone visits (which is happening at the weekend). Ah well, one big house cleaning session killing two birds.
It was sunny first thing and I planned to take a walk after the tedious crappy chores were done, but then I had to take painkillers and lie down to wait for them to take effect, and the sun went away. Now it's kind of cool looking, grey and autumnal. At least it was sunny for a lot of yesterday and I managed a 10 mile walk. With no blisters!
As I now can't be bothered to take a proper walk today this afternoon will be watching a movie flat on my back for a change. And so little of the weekend left - hardly any time before I'm back in work waaaaaaaah

Food today:
Breakfast: fried bacon and eggs
Lunch: cold beef and cheddar breadless 'sandwiches'
Dinner: (planned) more beef
Snacks: Pork scratchings

Friday, 18 September 2015

Back to the grumps today.

Slept badly.
Hate work.  (although - it's Friday!)
Bad back
Grey day
Fed up
I did go out for a walk at lunchtime, on my own sadly as my walking buddy was working from home, and the sun even came out - for about 11.5 seconds, but still...
I bought myself a lumbar support cushion for my office chair hoping it would instantly make my back stop trying to kill me. It didn't. I'm sure I'm just adapting to it or something. Or I've been kidding myself about the cause of the problem all this time.
After work I took another hot bath, which actually helped, followed by watching Horizon - my exciting Friday night!  It was kind of topical as M is a keen gamer. He had some strong feelings about the antigaming bits :-)

Food today:
Breakfast: meatloaf with a fried egg
Lunch: turkey soup (to be accurate, cooked turkey simmered in homemade broth - still just animal products)
Dinner: lamb burgers
Snacks: Pork scratchings, cream

Thursday, 17 September 2015

Happier today

I worked from home today as I'd already agreed that I would for my eye appointment before the bastards at the Royal Berkshire postponed it again. I'm torn on what to do about that by the way, any opinions? Initially I wanted to call the consultant's secretary to try for a date closer than bloody Bonfire Night, but now I'm not sure that I can be bothered - my eye isn't painful and the vision seems to have settled down so maybe it's OK to wait? And wait...  And wait...  OK I'm still a little bitter...
Anyway, at lunchtime (and it was a beautiful lunchtime) I managed to walk nearly 4 miles just going to collect a parcel from a post office distribution centre. It was really sunny but cool enough that I wore a fleece - which as you know is ideal weather in my book. Although M's parents are in Cyprus at the moment and I was a little jealous of the weather they were having this morning (my FiL was trying to persuade me to hop on a plane and join them in their rented villa and I was tempted)
After work I had a soak in a hot bath and really enjoyed it even though it was at least partly to resist eating lots.

Food today:
Breakfast: meatloaf
Lunch: pulled pork
Dinner: Pork chop
Snacks: cheese, Pork scratchings

Wednesday, 16 September 2015

Grrrrrrump

Today was an annoying and unproductive day. First thing in the morning I was told there was a new build of software to test, and given a list of features and fixes that were in it. At 11 I asked for a new build that actually had those features and fixes since the one I had did not. At 1pm someone started actually building it, and it wasn't deployed until mid afternoon. Marvellous - I love spending my day testing the wrong stuff / twiddling my thumbs trying to look busy with nothing to do. If I'd been working from home at least I wouldn't have had to pretend, but I was in the office, so...
Anyway. I was frustrated and fed up and the weather wasn't helping any, so I just felt really dreary all day. I'm sure going for a walk would have helped, but with my well-known ability to do the wrong thing when in a grump I chose to stay in and read a book at my desk through lunch instead. Which I sort of enjoyed but it doesn't really qualify as a break from work. Or exercise, fresh air, company or conversation. However I'm fairly confident if I'd gone for a walk to a shop as usual I'd have bought quite a lot of comfort - not off plan foods, but definitely off plan quantities. I know I'm overreacting, I know I'll be paid the same as if I'd been testing away, but it's just frustrating.
And I'm also no closer to knowing if I'll be extended here so that's frustrating too.
OK, enough moaning...
I don't actually have a lot else to talk about, but at least I don't have to go on and on at you guys...

Food today:
Breakfast: beef heart
Lunch: leftover pork cheeks
Dinner: meatloaf
Snacks: cheese

Tuesday, 15 September 2015

Nightmare...

I had a crap dream last night, right before I woke up so it was really vivid. Basically I dreamt I was binge eating - not the way I used to, which involved buying loads of junk and methodically eating my way through it in a steady but unstoppable way - this was more like a cartoon binge, both hands full of junk, stuffing my mouth, food all over me and everything around me. I woke up really upset with myself and feeling extremely guilty, and it was only when I realised that I was still in bed rather than ensconced on the sofa with the junk food that I realised it didn't really happen... Urk. Horrible. Just horrible. I was still feeling weirdly shaken up about 4 hours later.
Still, as a positive, it did NOT inspire me to binge in real life so there is no genuine guilt or stress.
Very pleasant walk at lunchtime today - it was actually sunny for the walk to the supermarket and stayed completely dry until we got back to the office. Probably because unlike yesterday I had a waterproof jacket with me. I didn't have time to walk again after work as I'm getting a new mobile phone and had to make a call straight after work to get the new contract sorted out.
Speaking of new contracts I'm currently once again waiting to find out if I'm extending mine. My boss wants to extend it for 3 more months, but is trying to get approval from the director above him, and I'm down to 2.5 weeks left, so I'm applying elsewhere in case of a no.

(Actual in real life) Food today:
Breakfast: eggs with bacon
Lunch: leftover pork cheeks
Dinner: pulled pork
Snacks: pork scratchings and cream
Pork, Pork and more pork - oink oink

Monday, 14 September 2015

Monday again

 A mixed weekend this weekend.
Good :
No booze (soon I'll feel justified in stating that "I don't drink"
No major overeating (perhaps a little too much creme fraiche yesterday - I discovered I can eat the Roddas brand with a spoon straight out of the pot)
Saturday I walked about 11 miles without blistering (God bless 1000 miles socks with little wear)
For the first time in ages, weighed less on Monday morning than on Saturday morning ( 2 oz - but I'll take it, since the last couple of weeks it's taken half of each week to get back to Saturdays weight thanks to overcompensating for long walks)

Less good:
Accidentally stayed up till midnight Saturday night and still got up at 5 on Sunday
Too lazy / tired to go for a proper walk on Sunday - less than 2 miles

Today, for a change, I didn't want to go to work.
All morning I didn't want to be at work.
However, at lunchtime I enjoyed my usual walk despite getting rained on and having to take shelter under the overhang of a McDonald's drive through. It provided extra chatting time, which was nice.

Food today:
Breakfast: eggs with bacon
Lunch: leftover pork cheeks
Dinner: pulled pork
Snacks: cheese, 2 small kabanos sausages

Friday, 11 September 2015

Friday! Friday!! Friday!!!

Not such a bad day today although it got off to a bad start - I couldn't sleep due to not being able to get comfortable and felt really crappy this morning. That inspired me to work from home though, so it could have been worse.
I grazed a fair bit today - just kept feeling hungry. I had thought that was getting better the last couple of days, oh well. It's quite common in the early days of transitioning to a fat burning metabolism from one more reliant on carbs.
At lunchtime I managed to get out for a walk, which was quite sunny and pleasant, but didn't have time after work because of the deployment - it was going in at 5 pm (testing starting at 5:30) and expected to take until 8pm, so we had a really early dinner beforehand. The deployment itself went very smoothly and finished early!!!  Only half an hour, but considering that deploying the software took twice as long as expected, that was very welcome. So that was good too. All in all quite a productive Friday for a change. (and a nice number on the scale - though the grazing all day will no doubt change that tomorrow morning) and still no booze imbibed even though it's in the house and readily available!!!

Food today:
Breakfast: eggs with cold meat
Lunch: leftover belly pork slices
Dinner: no official dinner due to excess grazing on bacon during the afternoon
Snacks:  homemade pork rinds and lots of cooked morrisons value cooking bacon

Thursday, 10 September 2015

So frustrated....

On Monday, I thought it was Tuesday. On Tuesday I was sure it was Wednesday. You have no idea how many times today I've had to remind myself that tomorrow is a work day too. I realised this morning that part of my irritation about the delivery I was expecting yesterday is that in my head I'd been waiting for it a day longer than I actually had :-) (it did come today) And unlike certain newly retired people I don't even have the excuse of a changed schedule to explain my confusion :-)
Now it finally is almost Friday - but lucky me, I get to work overtime tomorrow evening. Woo hoo... Not. Last weekend there was a deployment that I didn't take part in and they worked until 11:30 pm. Really hoping this one goes more smoothly...
I had a really nice walk at lunchtime despite being accompanied by a moaning minnie of a colleague as well as my regular walking buddy. It was actually sunny - I'm now so used to the clouds moving in just before I leave I hardly knew what to do with myself!
Things went downhill after work though. I got home to find a letter from the Royal Berkshire postponing my eye check AGAIN - and annoyingly they proposed a date I can't make. It's the same day as my physio appointment, and as I'm already working from home that day I also booked a gas safety check for the house in the afternoon. So I rang the appointments number at the hospital to reschedule - and the earliest date I was offered was 5th of November!!!!!!  Just to be clear, they postponed it twice - not me - and now they expect me to wait almost 2 more months when THEIR consultant was the one who said it should be checked in 2 months time the last time I was there. Useless bastards. I do intend to try to get hold of the consultants secretary directly, as she helped me the last time I was screwed around like this.
I was so frustrated and annoyed I went out and bought some whisky to distress. But I am happy to tell you it's sitting unopened in the cupboard and I didn't drink today. Not guaranteeing anything for tomorrow though - not with my after work deployment....

Food today:
Breakfast: scrambled eggs with a couple of beef 'sizzle steaks' from Tesco and a cup of homemade bone broth
Lunch: bacon cream cheese pancakes - I used this recipe but omitted the sweetener and cinnamon and added a fair bit of cooked morrisons value 'cooking bacon'
Dinner: baked belly pork slices
Snacks:  homemade pork rinds

Wednesday, 9 September 2015

Hop along Chrissie

The foot is improving so long as I don't try to walk around barefoot, so I happily managed my lunchtime walk today. It was a good walk with lots of talk about upcoming changes at work (that are interesting but highly unlikely to affect me) However my back is still being bastard so I skipped the after work walk again.
I was really tempted to work from home today because of the back but dragged myself in because I'm waiting for a delivery. Unfortunately the courier company apparently dumped it on a shelf and ignored it for 24 hours so I didn't get it. Hopefully it will come tomorrow. Hopefully...

Food today:
Breakfast: scrambled eggs and a cup of homemade bone broth
Lunch: lamb burger
Dinner: Pork cheeks slow cooked with a spice mix (heavy on cinnamon) and butter
Snacks:  homemade pork rinds, mini babybel

Tuesday, 8 September 2015

Ouch damn it

Grumpy again today. I think I've done this work thing for long enough, thank you very much, and now it's someone else's turn...
I was hungry all day again today and overate again. Although there is a theory you shouldn't count calories doing zero carb so maybe I just ate to satiety.
I went for a walk at lunchtime and while out had virtually no pain in my blistered foot...  then got back into the office, sat for a few minutes, and by the time I got up to take my lunch plate to the kitchen it started hurting. So I limped a bit and pissed off my back by walking funny. Apologies for the language but honestly, this backache thing is getting old....  and my physio appointment feels very far off right now.
On the plus side I'm still feeling physically well on the all animal carnivorous eating plan and liking it a lot better now I'm using burgers rather than sautéed mince. (There's nothing wrong with sautéed mince generally, in fact I love it with a nice tomatoey sauce and veg, but when it comes with no sauce or veg and I hugely massively totally underseasoned it - well, it wasn't good. But when I decide to try again I'll do better. Even just adding some bone broth would help.) My clothes - especially my jeans feel looser and M commented that he could see I'd lost weight at the weekend. So those are things that ease the grumpiness. A little. Until I move unwarily and my back stabs me in the back, so to speak...
No walk after work to avoid pushing my luck further, but a nice relaxing bath instead. And less time spent in the kitchen than usual because, again, foot pain. Right now it's more sore because the blister burst, but I'm sure by morning it will have begun to heal.

Food today:
Breakfast: coffee with cream, scrambled eggs with bacon
Lunch: lamb burger topped with bacon
Dinner: beef burgers topped with cheese
Snacks:  homemade pork rinds

Monday, 7 September 2015

I have a blister on the sole of my right foot. It's approximately the size of my right foot.

I had a lovely day on Saturday visiting my Mum and her OH. Apart from telling them about my new diet and convincing my Mum I'm going to die - but I expected that :-)  We spent the morning in the lovely cathedral city of Salisbury and the afternoon at home chatting. Apart from getting there 5 minutes late but journey went very smoothly both ways, and thanks to the walk too and from the train station at my end I managed to walk over 5 miles despite their not being able to walk very well.
Yesterday I had a less good day.  I decided to walk to a nearby town with a Morrisons store to find some pork skin for homemade pork rinds, plus hopefully some cheap, fatty cuts of meat. My Google maps app said it was 5 miles give or take. Unfortunately half way there the road ran out of pavement / sidewalk. I doubled back a short distance then followed an alternative route that was safe but a fair bit longer. By the time I found Morrisons I'd walked 8 miles and by the time I came out with my shopping (loads of skins plus some pork cheeks) my feet felt like they were on fire. So my original plan to walk both ways was immediately discarded even though I have been known to walk that sort of distance. Instead I plugged in the train station and told Google maps to get me there. It was over 2 miles from the store. I made it to the station, and survived the 1.7 miles from the station back home again, but my feet were very unhappy with me, although a soak in the bath shut them up for a while. In total I'd walked about 13.5 miles which shouldn't have been a problem, but when I got home and stripped off for the bath I realised that my '1000 mile socks' were so worn they weren't offering any cushioning at all. My bad!  And they're binned.

That wasn't the only problem with yesterday either. I found myself being unbelievably emotional and all over the place all day, from starting to cry while walking down the street over the loss of our dog about 7 years ago to shrieking and yelling (and swearing) like a maniac later in the day. I was just delightful to be around. I think it was down to my change of BC method having my hormones all stirred up, and I feel much more stable today thankfully. Although grumpy when my alarm went off requiring me to get up - but that's standard :-)
As my blister wasn't sore during the morning today I did plan to head out for a walk at lunchtime. I actually wanted to encourage it to burst on its own since I generally find that blisters are much less painful once the pressure is released. However by lunchtime (after standing in the kitchen chatting for a while) it was sore enough to put me off the idea. I tried sitting outside instead so I'd still get a dose of vitamin D, but the breeze was a little chilly and then the sun went in so I gave up. At least I got away from my desk for 20 minutes or so though.
No walk after work for the same reason, and I ate over my calorie allowance today - although all 'allowed' food. I think when I go for a long weekend walk and don't eat enough - like yesterday - the extra appetite doesn't generally make itself known until the next day. I also may be PMSy which would also explain yesterday. I was very proud of myself on such a hungry day for resisting the sweets that someone brought in today - they were haribo, and I turn into a complete 6 year old around haribo sweets!  In the past I've persuaded myself that the gelatine makes them an OK choice, but doing zero carb I can't kid myself in that way. I stayed well away from them and avoided temptation like a total hero :-)

Food today:
Breakfast: coffee with cream and butter Lunch: lamb burgers
Dinner: chicken mayo (thigh and drumstick meat)
Snacks:  cheese, homemade pork rinds

Friday, 4 September 2015

Miserable gloomy day today....

Today I experimented on not eating until I was hungry. I didn't fast - in fact you can see below I drank a calorific coffee for breakfast, as I've been struggling to get enough fat in (and have been exceeding my target for protein) and took my breakfast with me to work, aided by the fact that it wasn't as smelly as taking eggs in would have been. I didn't feel hungry until 11am and easily waited to eat until 11:30. I wasn't actually looking to skip eating the food I'd planned, do I simply combined my planned breakfast and lunch portions to make a more satisfying meal. But was very pleased not to feel the need earlier.  However the actual food was a bit rubbish so I've decided that although I'll carry on eating plenty of minced meat for its cost, instead of sautéing it with seasonings I'll turn it into meatloaf, burgers and meatballs, all of which I find more enjoyable to eat. Sadly I'd cooked enough pork mince for 8 meals before deciding that, so unless anyone has a recipe for meatloaf using cooked mince it will get frozen until I can come up with a way to salvage it or give it more flavour.
There was some sunshine this morning but by lunchtime there was a heavy dark cloud outside the office so I didn't go out. Of course it didn't actually rain (because I wasn't outside) but it also got very cold and I feel no regret whatsoever. Sometimes even I don't want to walk... Likewise no walk after work. I consider myself to have been focusing on trying to outfight my cold so it doesn't in any way affect my plans for tomorrow - hopefully visiting Salisbury with my mum and her OH. I spent my evening in the kitchen instead of walking - making some anchovy butter, freezing the crap pork mince (and turning a large amount of it into a curry for M), making a chicken salad with homemade mayo and some leftover roast chicken - a couple of small drumsticks and one teeny thigh. It was quite productive anyway.

Food today:
Breakfast: coffee with cream and butter Lunch: 5 spice pork mince
Dinner: sautéed beef heart
Snacks:  cheese, double cream

Thursday, 3 September 2015

Lack of sleep is destroying my brain...

This morning I woke up, staggered into the bathroom and fell into the shower without remembering to weigh myself - I literally realised as I was washing my hair. Usually I weigh myself while the shower is getting to temperature and I've no idea what was different today, it should be habit by now. Anyway, I still weighed and was pleasantly surprised considering that my hair (which is very thick and takes ages to dry) had just been rubbed with a towel a bit so was fairly waterlogged. (No, not pleased enough to come clean about my weight on here.)
I had a nice walk at lunchtime and another after work (and a haircut). The second walk, after work, was much less pleasant because of a nasty cold drizzle in the air. As always I hated having my hair cut (it doesn't help that although the hairdresser is very good she doesn't have the best English and sometimes I worry about how well she understands what I want. But she is good, very local, and cheap as well so what can I do?) I should have been shorn at least one or two weeks ago so I expect the scales to show a pronounced drop which I will claim all the credit for tomorrow :-)
Apart from that today was quietly productive at work and quietly relaxing after work, and now I'm shattered - more than ready for an embarrassingly early night...

Food today:
Breakfast: scrambled eggs with bacon
Lunch: eggs poached in homemade bone broth
Dinner: chicken thighs
Snacks:  cheese, double cream

Wednesday, 2 September 2015

Aachoo

Back in the office today although my cold is continuing to progress. Yes, I'm being that person who goes in to the office with germs. I needed to get my time sheet signed so I could get paid for last month - otherwise I might not have bothered.
No proper walk before work, but I forgot to bring tissues so I did pop to the nearest corner store to buy some after driving in. Luckily it opens at 6am. It was really chilly this morning so that would normally have woken me up a bit - but my head was so bunged up I didn't really feel refreshed.
Around mid morning the sun came out (yay!) and I was hopeful that I'd have a sunny lunch walk. Needless to say that wasn't going to happen - as is becoming standard the clouds started gathering about half an hour before I was able to get out. But there were sunny intervals and it was dry, so I suppose I shouldn't complain too much. I didn't have my walking buddy so I just wandered up the road to a nearby business park set around a large (probably manmade) lake, and then walked around the lake for a while. It was quite peaceful and it's always relaxing to be around water (although I prefer running water - lakes tend to look a little less attractive in my eyes due to algae. The ducks, swans and geese didn't seem to mind though.)
After work I walked around a bit and waited for M to get home from work. He had to stay late for a meeting that ran on till 6:45pm - not much gun for him given that he starts work at 6am every day...

Food today:
Breakfast: scrambled eggs with bacon
Lunch: pork scratchings
Dinner: stir fried diced lamb
Snacks:  smoked sausage and a chicken drumstick

Tuesday, 1 September 2015

Happy birthday to me

I'm 40 something today! Errr, I mean 35 again...
I worked from home today and walked 3 miles before work. I started getting sniffles about 8 am, and I'm pretty sure I'm coming down with a cold since I doubt the pollen was high today. Maybe that's why I was so tired at the weekend. I feel fairly energetic today apart from the stuffed up nose and occasional sneezing fits anyway. I didn't walk far at lunchtime because I decided to give myself a manicure instead (in this instance manicure = wobbly edged coat of nail varnish, but that's as good as it gets)
After work though I did another 3 miles popping to the train station to pick up my tickets for Saturday as I somehow managed to forget to all through the 3 day weekend.
I'm not doing anything for my birthday today, but on Saturday I'm visiting my mum then getting a takeaway with M. Not the most exciting birthday celebration but I've never been that worried to be honest - parties, especially surprise ones, are my worst nightmare and when you spend your life trying to lose weight a nice meal and some booze just feels like sabotage. Speaking of booze, my entire weekend (plus today) was completely booze free. I didn't even really miss it! Every milestone, however small, is worth noting... (I will admit that a part of me thinks a whisky and ginger would help with the damn cold but as I have no whisky (or ginger) that's not too hard to resist.)
Speaking of small milestones this morning's weigh in showed a recent low so that, unlike the cold, was actually a nice birthday present.

Food today:
Breakfast: beef mince and chorizo stew
Lunch: pork scratchings
Dinner: beef mince and chorizo stew
Snacks:  cheese