Wednesday, 30 June 2010

Sorry

Sorry everybody for just dropping off the face of the earth like that! I don’t have any real life excuse except for a petty rebellion against everything…

I don’t know why but at the weekend I just started feeling kind of overwhelmed with rage at the whole healthy living thing. I hated calorie counting, weight watching, healthy food and by extension blogging too, and rather than spew all that rage over you lovely people I just took it with me into a dark quiet place to hide.

So, if you don’t mind, I’d like to pretend the weekend didn’t happen… there were good bits, such as seeing my family on Saturday and more family yesterday, but there were also binges and sulks and generally childish moods! I don’t know if it was being bored and sick of the ongoing rest-of-my-life tedium of trying to be healthy, frustration at the unfruitful job search, or annoyance at the scales showing me bad numbers... or maybe all the above!

Anyway, I decided to log my food this week for myself (so when I pick up proper blogging again I’ll start from that point, not try to show you everything I’ve done in the mean time)  but not calorie count, but start that again next week.

My weight is back to where it was when I first came back from my holiday. And that is down from where it was on Monday.

And I have a full day of job interviews and assessments today. So I may not be back this evening, but I’ll try not to disappear back into my gloomy self-obsessed misery again!

If you’re still here, thanks for not abandoning me!

Chrissie xxx

Thursday, 24 June 2010

Walking again

I went for a proper walk today after a trial run last night to make sure that my jeans would drive me nuts making the tattoo itch. I even took my rucksack – I know, fools rush in and all that, but I needed it! And it made me feel more like me again! I went into town to do some shopping, and went across fields to get there, which was good apart from me getting stabbed – through my jeans – by an enormous thistle along the way. So that’s why it’s a bad idea to walk through incredibly overgrown fields while using my phone to send messages to my husband… after that I put the phone away and paid a lot more attention to where I was walking! It was too late though, I think the tip of the thistle ‘spear’ broke off in my jeans and rubbed my leg the rest of the way there and all the way back, so I’ve got a sore patch on my leg now. Still worth it though!

Not least because before I headed out I’d been feeling unmistakable symptoms of a forthcoming binge…. Last night after I posted I snapped and ate half a large bag of Japanese rice crackers that I’d bought because my Dad, his wife, her daughter & son in law, and my brother are coming over on Saturday so that we can go out for lunch to the Thai / Indian restaurant I love so much. This morning I decided that it wasn’t worth the risk of keeping the rice crackers around (mainly because I’d pulled the bag out to weigh it and see how much I actually ate last night and had already taken a couple more out to eat… I don’t know where my head is these days, but its not in a particularly healthy place, that’s for sure.) so I threw the other half away. I may still get a bag for Saturday, but I’ll buy it ON Saturday and not before if I do…

This afternoon was mostly housework time. I didn’t feel quite my normal level of hatred for the task because something occurred to me before I started. I treat this almost as something that someone is making me do – something pointless really because it always needs doing again five minutes later. But the fact is I actually like the end results, having a tidy and clean house, myself – so now I’m trying to see it as something I’m doing for me. It probably won’t last – especially as I’m not prone to feeling like I deserve to have things for myself – but it did make me a bit happier about doing it today.  I followed that by making a massive meatloaf for M and mixing up some overnight dough for an Artisan Bread in 5 minutes recipe – again for Saturday – this one is called Chocolate Espresso bread…………….. here’s the dough so far…

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I’m planning to make a loaf of bread for any more Spartan eaters plus some cupcakes (to be frosted with the lovely fudge frosting I made last time we entertained) – to be given away if leftovers exist!

Food today:

Breakfast: All bran with peaches and raisins and a hard boiled egg sandwich

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Lunch: Chunky vegetable soup (last portion) and some brown rice sushi to satisfy a craving

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Dinner: A massive stir fry with a few prawns added for protein. I think maybe I’ve been missing the meat lately so I decided to see how I do adding fish & seafood.

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Snacks: A bowl of Fage yoghurt with defrosted raspberries and fresh strawberries; spicy (and sadly salty) popcorn, plus some prepared melon from Waitrose. (I may also have nibbled a few dark chocolate chips from a  bag bought for the bread… but no photographic evidence exists so you’ll never convict me….

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Weight today: 10 st 4.5lbs (144.5lbs). I decided I needed to take the accountability back, and I think this reflects the salt in the rice crackers rather well. Following it with sushi (though I used reduced sodium soy sauce) and a stir fry today may mean I’m not overjoyed tomorrow either, but at least I know why!!!

Wednesday, 23 June 2010

What a beautiful day

That I spent not walking anywhere, although I’m about to correct that (just a little walk for today). I was up bright and early as usual, and after a cup of coffee for energy managed to get myself onto the elliptical walker before breakfast. I used to find it a lot easier to train first thing in the morning – in fact it was my favourite time to train, and became just part of my normal routine to get up – but these days, its a struggle every time I plan it. And yet its so satisfying to use breakfast as a post-training snack and start the day knowing I’ve already ticked that box (not to mention the fact that if anyone ever offers me a job again it could prove to be a useful habit to have)

I went to the library and shopped earlyish, then got handy in the garden. We have some teak garden furniture that has been weathering in a less than attractive way – I think its because Wales is so damp – instead of just going silvery grey, its been looking like its peeling and getting very rough. So I’ve ordered some products to clean it and treat it to stop that happening again, and today spent some time going at it with some fine sandpaper to smooth down the finish (and clean off the bird crap). It wasn’t hard work, but it was difficult to do it for long because it was so bright and hot in the garden – and also because somewhere near us there seems to be a wasps nest and they kept coming over to see what I was doing (in the process encouraging me to go back indoors. I’m not phobic, but I’m wary)

Food today:

Breakfast: Steel cut oats cooked in water in the slow cooker with some frozen home-made apple-sauce over night, then mixed with cookies & cream whey, topped with a dollop of Fage Greek yoghurt (still using up my mixture of full fat and fat free) and a sprinkle of mixed seeds (plus a 3 ingredient peanut butter cookie as a treat for training first thing). The porridge was absolutely delicious – the whey is a little too sweet unless mixed with tart fruits or yoghurt, but the balance worked really well today.

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Lunch: I used up the sloppy joe mix from yesterday by adding a little liquid to loosen it and a load of courgette to bulk it up, then serving it over spaghetti squash with salad and dry-fried polenta chips. I cannot seem to get spaghetti squash right (OK, this only the 2nd / 3rd attempt, but still…) so if anyone out there has an infallible tip please let me know! I just cut it in half lengthways and removed the seeds & pulp then baked it in the oven before struggling to shred it with forks.

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Dinner: Buckwheat bread sandwich with ham and salad plus a bowl of chunky vegetable soup. I made too much salad to fit in the sandwich so had the rest on the side.

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Snacks:

Protein smoothie and all bran with peaches plus the last Dorset cereal high fibre bar.

Tuesday, 22 June 2010

Born again healthy

Obviously being a spoiled bratty little rebel yesterday did me good! Unlike most times when I have a bad day (especially a sugar and other refined-carbs bad day) I didn’t wake up dying to take a nose dive into a vat of chocolate. Which is lucky because I had to stay in for a delivery all day (it came about 4:40) so I would have exploded with frustration if I was in that kind of mood again!

I had a quiet day spent with a marathon of recorded NCIS: LA (still not as good as NCIS, but if you watch a few in a row they grow on you a bit – or maybe your powers of discrimination atrophy ;-) ) doing some cooking, killing wasps and killing time. Eventually I got bored and decided to do 40 minutes on the exercise bike, got a bit carried away and ended up doing 67 minutes while watching 1.5 episodes of recorded Cold Cases. Yep, I like my formulaic murder mysteries! Now parts of me are a little bit tender…

 

Food today:

Breakfast: all bran with peaches and a bowl of cottage cheese with jam mixed in

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Lunch: Gorgeous! A ‘ragout’ of mushrooms and onions served with sauteed spinach and grilled polenta.

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Dinner: Also gorgeous! I’ve never had sloppy joes, but I’ve been intrigued by seeing them – and lentil versions – online so I decided to give it a go. I also made a chunky vegetable soup to go with

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Snacks: Porridge oats soaked in soya milk, mixed with cookies and cream whey, and served with strawberries that I’d marinated in balsamic vinegar;

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Fage yoghurt (mixed Original & fat free Fage) with summer fruit and blueberries

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And a 3 ingredient peanut butter cookie from yesterday, straight out of the freezer – and OMG so delicious!!! Might have a Dorset Cereals bar later – I definitely earned one!

No weigh today

Monday, 21 June 2010

You’re not telling me what to eat!

Today I am a sulky pouting bratty teenager. I don’t want to watch my food or diet, and I’m not gonna!

I also don’t want to talk about it, so here’s my day in pictures instead… (plus 40 minutes training on the elliptical, but I know I still suck today)

Also its too hot here. WAAAHHH

And I think my tattoo is finally starting to peel  / scab

I will stop whingeing tomorrow. Probably…

Breakfast:

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Lunch:

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goat ice cream

Dinner:

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Snacks / pig out / Treats / Sins:

All bran with peaches and strawberries.

Bear claw:

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Doughnut:

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3 ingredient cookies:

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Yummmmmmm

Weight: Didn’t weigh this morning as I am constipated for the third? day in a row and sick of seeing higher numbers than I feel I’ve earned. So obviously I decided to earn them….

BTW I know this looks a lot like a binge, but it was spread across the day with lots of (sulky childish) premeditated thought, so I think it misses qualifying as a binge and instead just counts as ‘being a pig because I feel like it’

I want (more)cake. Luckily I’ve drunk too much wine to be able to go back out in the car.

I won’t weigh again until things start shifting, so there!

Sunday, 20 June 2010

Bliss

OK, you might think I’m easily pleased… but this morning I spent 40 mins on the elliptical walker and 10 mins on the cycle and followed that with a blissful shower. (I was starting to feel a bit like Shrek!) I feel human again! No pain or itching from the tattoo by the way, and no sign of scabbing yet either – how long should that take?

Food today:

Breakfast / Post-training snack: All bran with peaches and toast with LC and jam

Lunch: South African-inspired peanut stew (very tasty!) with brown rice, bread and a little salad of chopped cucumber, tomato and spring onion

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Dinner: Grilled halloumi, mushrooms, onion & pepper salad with asparagus

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Snacks: Mixed Fage yoghurts shaken up in a jar with the last of my reduced sugar strawberry jam (I’ll be buying more because reduced sugar or not, I love this (Waitrose own) brand!

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Popcorn with Nando’s chip seasoning

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and some melon

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Weight 10 st 4.25lbs (144.25 lbs :-(  ) no comment

Saturday, 19 June 2010

Another rest day

Didn’t train again today, but I’m planning to do something tomorrow. I’m fed up of resting now, and I’m certainly not in any pain, so its time to get moving – though not yet walking, as I can feel it every time I walk anywhere (my clothes rubbing on the tattoo I mean). I’ve spent a fair bit of the last couple of days walking round the house in my underwear to let it breathe without friction!

I did pop into Chepstow this morning, by car of course. I had to pick up my new glasses from Specsavers and did some shopping as well. As Chepstow Council think its fair to charge the same amount for parking if you’re there 35 minutes or two hours I decided to make the most of the visit and went for a latte as well. I did start out going to the normal coffee shop but it was busy so I went to a new place with quite an interesting menu so you’ll be seeing pictures from my lunch there one of these days!

Apart from that a quiet day of baking (buckwheat rolls) and watching TV. And slightly over-eating again, but nothing too worrying!

Food today:

Breakfast: Steel cut slow cooked oats with peaches, mixed seeds and Fage Original yoghurt. Still too rich and creamy, so I’ll definitely be mixing together the 0% and Original versions now. Also it was quite tart, but once I got used to it that was quite nice.

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Lunch: Grilled portobello mushroom and halloumi, both marinated in Nando’s hot sauce. Served with millet black bean corn salad, grilled asparagus and a mixed salad

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Dinner: Split pea soup with a quorn frankfurter sliced and stirred in, served with a home-made buckwheat roll spread with LC and red onion. Excellent roll!

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Snacks: Houmous with red, yellow and green peppers;

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peanut butter; some Tesco pic ‘n’ mix sweets (what????)

Weight today: A very constipated and unjustified 10 st 4.5lbs (144.5 lbs) AARRGGHH but I know I didn’t eat that much yesterday (though I might’ve today…)

Friday, 18 June 2010

Evening all

First up I’d like to say thanks for all your comments on yesterday’s email about my new tattoo! It’s doing fine so far, a little stingy when I wear trousers with a high waistband (but that’s easy to avoid!) It’s looking pretty good, and I’m applying lots of nappy rash cream (on the advice of my tattoist and the internet) so hopefully it will heal quickly! The only downside is that I didn’t feel much like going for a walk because of the stinging thing, and for the same reason I didn’t risk working out and getting sweaty either. So, as so many of you already have tattoos I wanted to ask if you think it’ll be OK to train tomorrow? I know sweat stings when it gets in your eyes, so I can imagine it not being too comfortable on a fresh tattoo, and I also don’t want to be taking too many showers just now (within the realms of human decency and consideration for M) so I’d appreciate some advice! It doesn’t hurt at all from bending or turning so I’m not worried about that anyway!

As I did nothing active today I’m feeling a bit restless right now. I shopped and went to the library, but did it by car, which seems both lazy and wasteful to me now! I haven’t overeaten as much today, I think I’m working my way back to normal, but I did demolish a bit of peanut butter earlier.

Food today:

Breakfast: All bran with peaches and strawberries

Lunch: Monster stir fry with tofu in chilli hoisin marinade. I was running out of the marinade, so used less and actually I think it was about right today, so that was good!

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Dinner: Split pea soup thickened and bulked up with a portion of millet-black bean and corn salad. This worked quite well – even though I didn’t pick out the cucumber first! Served with a toasted sandwich of LC, Babybel light, and red onion.

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Snacks: Protein smoothie and Greek yoghurt with honey and grape nuts, plus some peanut butter and another Babybel cheese. The Greek yoghurt was full fat Fage bought by mistake; it was a bit too rich for my taste so I bought a carton of 0% today and I’ll mix them together next time. I ate it out of my honey jar as there was so little left in the jar.

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Also some cantaloupe melon

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Weight today: 10 st 3.25lbs (143.25 lbs) – a pleasant surprise after my eating for courage yesterday!!!

Thursday, 17 June 2010

Needles and ink and pain, oh my

Today I finally fulfilled a fantasy I’ve had for quite a while without really knowing why, and got a tattoo. I should point out that I was raised by people (Hi Mum & Dad!) who consider tattoos to be self-mutilation, and for a long time I was part of the ‘you’ll regret it when you’re old’ brigade myself. Then I decided to say ‘screw Old Me, I want it now.’ Even though its possible that I’m already too old for it to be cool / sexy. But if I am, that’s only going to get worse from here. And everybody knows you only really regret the things you didn’t do… As a card-carrying, self-confessed wuss, I carefully picked an area of skin that’s really easy to hide so it won’t stop me getting any jobs or embarrass me in conventional company (and my parents never need know about it unless they find this blog…); namely, my lower back. Yup, I went for a tramp stamp! But it’s really pretty, quite delicate and feminine, honest. Or I think it will be, once it calms down a bit. And it addresses one of my main body issues; namely the fear of exposing any skin (except my face and possibly arms) to the view of a stranger, particularly a stranger whose focus is specifically on me (and my skin).

I’ve heard there are people who get addicted to getting tattoos. I think the guys working in the tattoo parlour I went to must be among that number. Er, WTF??? It’s not pleasant. It’s bloody awful at times (nearly passed out / threw up / lost control of another bodily function at one point during the outlining). But then it was finished, and I had a tattoo, and the horrible torturing bastard who’d been inflicting bodily harm on me turned into a fairly decent human being who stopped stabbing me with needles and rubbed cream on my back … and I realised what keeps some people going back for more – not the stabbing, not the pain, not (really) the artistic pleasure of the result, but the incredible euphoria of walking out of the tattoo studio afterwards with no more pain. It was a sunny day outside, and a sunny day in my heart when the pain stopped… of course I have yet to experience the healing process, so I’m sure I have more horrible surprises yet to come. Still, I have a tattoo. Wanna see??? After it’s healed, that is…

Food today:

Breakfast: All bran with peaches and strawberries. The strawberries are rubbish, annoyingly, so I’ll probably end up binning the rest. Plus a bran muffin from M’s stash.

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Lunch: A goat casserole cooked in my slow cooker. It was based on this recipe for Lamb Vindaloo, and it was the unspiciest thing I ever made. Very tasty though, so I’ll try it again sometime with a lot more cayenne pepper!

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Dinner: Millet salad, salad vegetables and feta cheese

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Snacks: Due to nervousness about my tattoo appointment I ate a lot of snacks. Dried fruit, peanut butter and Maltesers all got added to the original plan of protein smoothie and Greek yoghurt & honey with grape nuts.

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Yes I said added. Yes I ate them too.

Weight: 10 st 3.25lbs (143.25 lbs)

Wednesday, 16 June 2010

I am shattered…

Knackered, worn out, TIRED!!!

You all know I got the day off to a less than brilliant start. That was followed by wanting to go into town and buy lots more stuff to eat.

I didn’t.

Instead I went to the gym and did a sort of circuit – 21 minutes rowing, 25 minutes cycling, 35 minutes on the elliptical. Not to burn off the calories of the biscuits or to earn more food calories, just to keep myself away from the kitchen. It worked for then, but after lunch I wanted more. I tried to distract myself with some research into a project I just started and that only half worked. I tried sitting in the garden to make some Vitamin D. None of it stopped me wanting to eat for more than a few minutes.

Then my Dad phoned and that was a good distraction for a while, then it was dinner time and I started wanting dessert after my planned and well behaved dinner… AARGGH

So then I went for a walk across the fields (and forgot my camera – sorry). I spent an hour exploring fields I’d never entered before, found a road I don’t recognise and a little hamlet I’ve never been to before, all in the still blazing sun. I loved it! I even crawled under a barbed wire fence to make an unofficial short cut on the way back! (Something I’ve never risked doing before because I’ve always felt sure I was going to get snagged and possibly ripped!)

Now I’m back and as mentioned above, I’m a little bit tired. At the moment I’m not hungry though, and my next job is to get onto Google Earth and figure out where I went. That should keep me busy for a while! And I’m happier too.

Although I forgot to take my camera on my walk this evening, I did take some pictures of some flowers in my garden earlier on

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Food today:

Breakfast: All bran with strawberries AND peaches

Lunch: Home-made black bean burgers with salad. I made a burger tower of 2 burgers, one slice of vegan substitute cheese (smelled horrible but tasted OK), a slice of red onion, a slice of cucumber, a slice of tomato, some lettuce and a smear of chilli jam on a slice of Nimble. Yummy! The tower was a great combination of flavours! (which admittedly doesn’t look marvellous…)

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Followed by some goat’s milk ice-cream… oops

Dinner: Home-made split pea soup (with spinach, peas and corn added to bulk it up) with nimble, red onion and LC toasted sandwich

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Snacks: Anna’s Chocolate Orange Thins * too many to go into. Post-training snack of cottage cheese layered with semi-defrosted blackberries and blueberries.

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And an afternoon protein smoothie. There may have been some dried fruit in there too, and peanut butter as well. Still, pretty sure I am within calories thanks to all my busyness!

Oops

It 8:13 am and I just finished the box of biscuits I started yesterday… At least they’re gone now so I can’t keep eating them.

I think I need to focus on maintenance for a week or so till my body stops hankering for cruise cuisine!!!

Weight: 10 st 4.1lbs (144.1 lbs)

Tuesday, 15 June 2010

Can’t think of a title today (like I usually come up with titles… labels more like!)

First I’d like to say thanks to Bearfriend for giving me the Mind blowing Blog Award!

mindblowingblogaward

You cheered me up when I was feeling a bit post-holiday blah! I will pass it on to 5 more blogs just as soon as I can figure out how to choose just 5 – and 5 that haven’t already had it if possible!

I don’t have a great deal to say about today. I went for a walk this morning and saw the beautiful cygnets again. They were hiding in the grass…

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Being diligently protected by their Mum & Dad (not sure if you can see them off to the right side of the picture below!):

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I still haven’t caught up with blog reading from my holiday so if anyone is feeling like I’m ignoring them I’m sorry – I am slowly ploughing my way through but  people just keep adding more and more posts! Plus I’m stepping up my job hunt again and I’ve also started some non-blog writing (at far too early a stage to talk about yet) so I don’t have as much time as an unemployed person should have. but I still love you all and won’t abandon you!!!

Food today:

Breakfast: All bran with strawberries and raisins. I know this looks like a rut, but it feels like coming home ;-) (I actually could have eaten all bran every day on holiday, but there were no strawberries so I didn’t even think about it…)

Lunch: A bit trashy. Although I’m struggling a bit with my appetite as I try to get used to eating real portions again (and try to get used to not have 15 desserts after lunch every day – then another after dinner ;-) ) I have much less interest in food and cooking than normally. Lunch today was supposed to be home-made black bean burgers (the black beans were cooked overnight in the slow cooker ready) but I actually FORGOT to make the burgers the night before and they still really need an overnight chill in the fridge to stiffen the mixture a bit, so I just defrosted a Weight Watchers quiche and had a salad and a hard boiled egg with it. It was Ok, nothing special and I left a lot of the crust. But then had a scone from Waitrose with a little cottage cheese and strawberry jam…

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Dinner: A cold salad of millet with black beans, defrosted sweetcorn, tomatoes, cucumber, red onion, green pepper and some salsa to moisten it slightly. Quite good, not exceptional, 3 more portions left… with grilled vegetables and the rest of the pak of Cauldron marinated tofu pieces from Saturday. Tasty but a bit random and a bit dry :-(

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Snacks: I was supposed to have a protein smoothie but ate a ton of dried fruit instead (question: could this have something to do with my upset stomach today? Hmmmmm). Also a small amount of cottage cheese layered with strawberry jam.

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ETA I truthfully forgot to mention that I also ate 2 servings of these lovely biscuits:

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Weight: 10 st 3.5lbs (143.5lbs).