Friday, 2 March 2018


The view from my bedroom window (it's on the ground floor, remember I live in a bungalow)

I admit my garden is terraced, but still. And its still snowing.

Friday, 23 February 2018

Here we go again

Still depressed, also angry. Not AT things, except maybe myself, just angry.
I called to make a doctor's appointment on Monday and the earliest non-emergency opening they had was March 7th, so a while to wait unless I decide to ask for an emergency appointment. Considering that most antidepressants take 4-6 weeks to become effective it might be an idea but part of the depression is not having the energy to put in the effort to look after myself so so far I haven't done that.
I'm at work despite not wanting to get out of bed and I'm feeling a little bit like someone is scrubbing my skin with steel wool over stupid little things that usually don't bother me or possibly amuse me.
I want to go home, crawl into bed, and stay there. Indefinitely.

Thursday, 22 February 2018


I'm properly full on depressed again.
Felt it coming, couldn't dodge it

Wednesday, 21 February 2018


Doing much better today thanks to the advice of the lovely Joy and Diane. So long as chocolate protein shake was what you meant by liquids. (And water - mostly water - and rooibos tea)
Chocolate has antioxidants and... antioxidants and I'm sure that the shake contained some real chocolate antioxidants not just chocolate Flavoured sawdust and calories . Maybe.
Still I have eaten much less calories and put my digestive system  to  very little effort and it's helping so I expect to be back on solids tomorrow hopefully. Thanks for your help, (even if you did fail to pick up the telepathic plea to be advised to eat chocolate until the pain went away.)

Tuesday, 20 February 2018


So tell me, if you have stomach pain (not nausea anymore) do you eat or not eat?
I personally have been eating - though less than usual - and when my paracetamol and codeine wears off, it still hurts, leaving me wondering if perhaps fasting might help.
I know that the real answer is sure to be "it depends what's causing the pain " but I thought I'd ask anyway. Particularly my nhs health guru Diane! (I still can't post on your blog, I promise I'm not ignoring your tribulations). Please don't tell me that turmeric tea is the perfect cure all for stomach problems.

Monday, 19 February 2018

Back again

Apologies for disappearing last week - I was on a four day, very intense training course and absolutely exhausted at the end of every day. I didn't write write either - in the breaks I was too busy trying to catch up with the practical exercises.
At the weekend I did more walking than at any time since I sprained my ankle / not a lot, just more. It's still aching.
And yesterday I binged. In the middle of the night I woke up feeling sick and sweaty and I still feel sick now.
So not a happy bunny.
Also today I made an appointment to see the doctor so I can ask for a new prescription for antidepressants. I didn't request an emergency visit so the earliest appointment they had was for March 7th.
I want to go home, get into bed, and stay there for approximately three months.

Friday, 9 February 2018

Willpower is overrated

For no apparent reason, today the company bought pizzas for everyone.
Usually I would have dived head first into a pepperoni pizza, but I set myself a target of behaving during February (if I can not drink for a long month I should be able to not eat crap for the shortest, right?) so I didn't. I walked around the office with my eyes firmly locked on my mobile, determined not to see the pizzas, and wore cocoa butter lip balm in an attempt not to smell it.
I had a slightly early lunch to make sure I wouldn't be too hungry when it was delivered. I drank lots of water so I'd be hydrated.
I waited to feel a glow of virtuous satisfaction.
I'm still waiting.