Thursday, 11 January 2018

At least I have two legs

I think I sounded pretty positive about moving around more when I posted yesterday. I felt it anyway. I seem to remember mentioning using the stairs as a specific baby steps thing I was doing.
This is quite ironic now.
Because yesterday, as I arrived home after work and walked down the stairs from the garage to the house, I misjudged the bottom step and in the process of falling down the bottom two steps, sprained my ankle.
Someone somewhere is laughing his/her/it's head off.
I'm actually feeling more cheerful about it than you might expect. A healthy dose of paracetamol and codeine merits not too painful, although thanks to the swelling there's no bend or twist in the ankle which means that anything other than a smooth level surface is a pain - literally  - and I'm trying not to drink too much so that I can avoid too many bathroom breaks, but I managed to limp in to work today (probably shouldn't have but I didn't want more sick leave)
I've sprained this same ankle three times now and this time is so far looking less sprained than either of the other times. Or can you develop an immunity when you do the same damage repeatedly?
Of course you can't, I know that. I might be dehydrated  or delirious.

Wednesday, 10 January 2018


I'm really really tired today so apologies in advance if this is incoherent as well as more tedious even than usual.
Yesterday I had a day off work because I was expecting a delivery - a divan base and headboard for a double bed, so definitely not something that would fit through the letter box! It arrived at around 9:30 in the morning so I didn't have to wait in all day for it. M had suggested I slide it into the room (we have wooden floors in the halls) and remove the packaging and leave it for him to set up for / with me and that was my plan until I realized it was raining and lost interest in my plan to take a long walk. So I sorted it myself. The base was awkward but not too heavy ; the headboard was both awkward AND heavy particularly during the stage of fitting it to the base ; and the mattress which had been lying on the floor was both awkward and holy crap that's heavy. Really it was silly to do it alone, but I get like that sometimes, and I succeeded, and was only as exhausted as you'd expect a double marathon runner to be at around mile 50 (have I mentioned lately how unfit I've become?) but luckily there was a nice new double bed to collapse on to recover.
That took until about 10:30 and the recovery took until lunchtime so I had lunch, waited for the library to have lunch, and then walked down town to return some library books and buy a couple of bits from Aldi. All in all, including hoovering the downstairs and walking into town I walked just under 4 miles. Monday I walked just over 4 miles. So on the exercise front I've definitely been happier the last couple of days.
I listened to another meditation while recovering from my furniture related efforts and it was an interesting one for me because it was about Forgiving Yourself, which is of course not something I'm good at. I hold grudges, particularly against myself. I will try to remember the phrases to repeat to myself every now and again.
I'm still Dry January
I'm still trying to be good with the food.
I dug out some (virtually unused) resistance bands yesterday and used them to try to build strength in my arms. I plan to continue doing that.
I'm really tired because I got very little sleep last night, and I'm still a bit disgusted with myself on the weight front. But there's more good than bad, I think.

Monday, 8 January 2018

I'm depressed

Not DEpressed, just depressed...
All last week, while being (relatively) good on the food front I kept forgetting to weigh myself, which I like to do when starting a diet for a benchmark starting point, call it what you will. Eventually on Saturday I remembered.
Holy crap I'm fat. It's official - because the number I saw was the largest number I've ever seen on the scales. Only by a couple of pounds, but it is even higher than it was when I cried my eyes out and then started the diet that was supposed to be the diet to end diets. And it was, for more than 5 years. But what that means is that now I have to do it all over again only now I'm nearer 50 than 40.
On the one hand I'm very motivated now.
On the other... I have to do it all over again only now I'm nearer 50 than 40.
I'm gutted that I let that happen. Not all of it was entirely my fault, bearing in mind the mirtrazapine disaster, but I'm heavier now than I was then, so it's time to quit blaming that.
More in need of positivity than ever today :
1) Still dry - made it through the weekend!
2) listened to some more guided meditations. Even if that did teach me that it's probably better to wait until the cold is completely gone before trying alternate nostril breathing. And three minutes can feel like a long time....
3) no binge following the weigh in. No booze following the weigh in.
4) all the diet shows are on the TV and I'm watching them all
5) still writing! And helping a colleague / friend who is also writing with the horror of redrafting

Friday, 5 January 2018

Three in three!

This could become a habit....
Still unmedicated, still not depressed, and hopefully still mostly sane.
The sun is shining in Cardiff (although it's freezing cold and windy too) and it's Friday!

I decided to make notes of things that I do towards the goal of improved health every day (if I remember) so I can give myself positives to focus on.
1) still dry
2) there's been free cake in the office all week - I haven't touched it. Likewise leftover biscuits brought in by a colleague
3) when I remember and I'm not walking with someone I'm taking stairs instead of using the lift
4) today I walked up and down the station instead of standing still while waiting for the train
5) so far I've eaten the lunch I've brought in even though it seemed boring rather than giving in to the urge to buy something more interesting but less healthy and more expensive
6) yesterday I listened to a 7 minute guided meditation on the subject of 'change' on my Echo Dot (Christmas pressie)
7) started writing again yesterday - really important to my mental health
8) blogging three days in a row

I hoped to get to 20 but I guess not this time!

Thursday, 4 January 2018

Two posts in two days...

Thanks for being encouraging Joy and Diane :)
I'm between books at the moment, having finished the first draft of a second book on Tuesday. I'm not happy with the ending but can't work it out just yet, so I'm a little stuck with the 'real' writing.

On the health front my cold is still lingering on and I was awake most of the night because of the congestion I was struggling with. I actually had to prop myself up with an extra pillow to get back to sleep!

Yesterday my 'moving more' plan consisted of climbing 3 flights of stairs. I descended them 3 times and climbed them once, taking the lift the other times. Needs work - but then I'm not 100% yet.

On a more positive front I forgot to mention yesterday that I'm doing Dry January - and so far that's going well. Yes,i know it's only the 4th, but still. Good is good!

Wednesday, 3 January 2018

Happy New Year

How is everyone?
I'm back to work today. It seems like minutes since I broke up for Christmas!
I know that New Year Resolutions are silly and often unachievable but I'm making some anyway.
1) posting more regularly - if not every day or every work day, at least once every week. That seems sufficiently unambitious.
2) getting to grips with the eating. I haven't been close to gluten free for weeks and I'm feeling it. Ditto low carb.
3) getting more exercise. I'm not declaring I'm going to run a marathon in February or anything, but I need to move about more and give my body a chance. I climbed the stairs instead of using the lift today!(Once)

There. That's not too bad. More to the point im not saying I will train a fixed number of times a week, eat a set number of calories or carbs a day, or lose a set number of pounds. I just want to feel better than I do now by the end of the year.  I'm currently unmedicated and not depressed. It would be nice to stay that way.

Most of all though I'm determined to keep writing

Thursday, 28 December 2017

Merry Christmas

I waited till THE DAY was out of the way and those of you who like Christmas had already likeD Christmas because I'm considerate like that.
I had a rubbish Christmas Day, and for once it wasn't because of my lousy stupid crazy brain but just because the COLD OF DOOM returned. (shouldn't I be immune for the this year at least? I'm sure I should)
We spent Christmas Day with my in laws. My Father in Law, S, picked us up around 11 and took us to his house, which is 5 minutes drive away. At that point my cough was back but I felt ok. At their house, they gave me cough mixture and I think it disagreed with me or maybe it was a coincidence because I immediately started feeling iller and iller. It's a word on my blog, even if it isnt IRL. And iller.
So I felt sorry for myself and ruined the day for everyone, because I'm not what you could call stoic. I did take part in some trivia quizes, and hammered everyone despite being near dead. Although I'm not a competitive person so didn't gloat (openly).
Boxing Day I spent in bed. Eating Jack Daniels Fudge (a gift from the in laws who apparently haven't noticed that I'm already fat and am not in need of feeding up)
Yesterday I walked into town for emergency Night Nurse. I was supposed to be visiting my mum and was heartbroken at having to put it off but I wasn't fit to drive, couldn't talk, and didn't want to give them what I had, so I forced myself to do the sensible thing. Apart from walking to the nearest pharmacy and back, I did nothing.
So far today is looking similar.
Next year I want to spend the holiday somewhere they never heard of Christmas. Any suggestions? Answers on a postcard please.
But still, I do hope everyone had a lovely Christmas, really I do, misery doesn't always love company.